At some point in time, it became ok and encouraged for women to wear yoga pants in the public sphere. Wear’em to the coffeeshop. Wear’em to the mall. Wear’em to church. Wear’em to a party. Wear’em to the office. Wear’em wherever you want.
I get it. Yoga pants are comfy.
So comfy in fact that It begs the question of why don’t men wear’em?
“Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It’s for fun.”
Why not bring’em out of the room gents? I mean, just so long as your shirt covers your penis (sorry, mom and mothers everywhere).
You could make the case that skinny jeans are a man’s yoga pant, but I would argue it’s merely the gateway drug. I say, go big or go home.
But would it catch on? Men in stretchy pants prancing about in the world in utter comfort, footloose and fancy free. It’s something out of a dream really.
Would catcalling men become a thing? Would men start to get sent home from school because what they were wearing was “inappropriate”? Most importantly would it be ok to wear shirts that didn’t quite cover everything?
If men wore yoga pants, would America become a nation of pansies? Would dead presidents roll over in their grave because the pursuit of happiness equals tight stretchy pants?
That dude from accounting (what’s his name? Harrison? IDK…) walking into the weekly status meeting (I have no idea what status meeting is) in some LuLulemon for men and a Brooks Brothers button down. The shirt modestly covers everything and Harrison, Harrison is one cozy guy. His face beams with a peace only to be found in the forgiving loins provided by polyester and spandex.
Wouldn’t that be just the greatest? Walking in to your favorite craft coffee shop and seeing bearded men in tights and t-shirts.
Surely this is the future. Surely this is what a better world looks like.
Perhaps men in yoga pants might even stave off wars because instead of being all riled up and uncomfortable all men would just be chilling out in Target with their yoga pants and their hoodies.
Maybe dads would be better at doing errands than they currently are (I speak in generalities, there are some dudes who are killing the dad game).
Yoga pants might even foster a better equality between the sexes. Instead of bickering over our differences and all the patriarchy problems we currently have, it’s conceivable that we might have peace and a busted glass ceiling.
Then there’s the giving nature of the pants that might find it’s way into every man’s brain and even the tightest of misers would give freely to mankind, ending world hunger.
The possibilities are endless. Just like the stretch in the pants.