Ever wondered if you have what it takes to be a part of the bourgeoisie? Do you long to be accepted as an elitist? Well, lucky you…
….being a snob is easy.
Develop an air that says…
“I will not use anything but what I think is the best. Everything that I don’t deem worthy of my use is for peasants.”
Once you’ve got the haughtiness of your great Aunt Ruth, it’s now time for step two.
Spending waaaaaaaayyyyy too much money on items that really aren’t worth the extra dinero but you bought them anyway because of the brand name and/or the street cred.
The final step to being a snob, is to tell everyone about how whatever you buy is far superior to anything else in the world.
Make sure to really sing the praises of your product to fully get under other people’s skin. Arguing over random things that you find superior is a great way to do this. If there is no disagreement, try to create some kind of discord to show that you are a superior human being.
Snobbery for all!
Now that we’ve covered how to be a snob in three easy steps, here are two things that you can easily be a snob about and are perfect for any income range…
Now, for some this might seem silly, but if you want to learn to be a proper snob, it’s important to start at a level so basic that higher levels of snobbery will be easily obtained once your income allows it. If you’re already rich, it’s just another thing to be unnecessarily opinionated about.
There is an art to this of course. To begin, stay from pens that only come in bulk packages.
This is an easy rule of thumb to follow. Start with the pens that come in two to four a pack and have a price tag of around $5-$15. If you happen to be making more money than you know what to do with, perhaps consider the $1,000 to $10,000 range.
Once you’ve found the one, it’s important to remember to champion your pen at all times.
Do anything to convince those fools who only use free pens handed out at career fairs that they are essentially beggars. Make them feel your pen prowess. If they laugh at you, just give their knuckles a good smack with your superior writing instrument.
Once you’ve established which writing instrument to use and what kind of paper you’re going to mercilessly defend, here’s where the real art begins.
The art is in letting everyone who you come into contact with know that your pen is the pen to top all pens. Shout it from the roof tops, interject it into every conversation you have. Let the world know that you’re the %&*$#$@! best.
That’s it. Congrats on your newfound snobbery.
Now, don’t sit back, don’t relax and relentlessly spread the word about your elite greatness that will never be overshadowed.