Are you tired of just being normal? Do you long to fit in with those millennials in skinny jeans and Warby Parker glasses? Have you ever wondered how you too can become a hipster?
Well, lucky for you, being a hipster is easy. Just follow these 5 easy steps.
Step 1: Abandon anything in the mainstream…
Stop listening to popular music. Burn all of your Taylor Swift CDs and turn up the Sylvan Esso.
Say goodbye to Mickey D’s and Applebees. You’ll now exclusively eat at random hole in the wall restaurants that aren’t on Yelp.
Don’t you dare spend another dollar at EVILBucks. If you’re coffee shop doesn’t look like this…
…then you’re doing it wrong.
Step 2a: Grow a mustache … (if you’re a dude)
Nothing says hipster like a throwback mustache. Getting the curls going is incredibly important.
Step 2b: Put pins on everything and/or wear a wide brim hat… (if you’re a lady)
Both are excellent options for showing you’re a hipster if you’re physically unable to grow a mustache.
Step 3: Buy a cheap record player and pretend the sound quality of vinyl is sooo superior…
Who cares if it actually sounds better, it’s different.
Everybody has an iPhone that plays music. But it takes a special kind of person to be committed to taking up space with boxes of vinyl records and flipping the vinyl from the A-side to the B-side.
Step 4: Say goodbye to Macy’s, say hello to Goodwill
This is where being a hipster really ratchets up. True hipsters won’t own a thing from the department stores, unless of course it was once worn by somebody else.
It’s important to note that buying clothes at Urban Outfitters will not make you a hipster.
Step 5: Never, ever, ever, ever, admit that you are a hipster.
This is the final step. Once you’ve gone through the previous steps, you can’t admit that you’ve purposefully gone out of your way to be different. That’d be admitting you aren’t actually original and are just following the leader with the mustache (or the wide brim hat).
So if anyone asks you if you are a hipster tell them…
.
Josiah Goodrum 