Things I’ve started but never finished

Get up early.

Read a book every month.

Journal three times a week.

Write 750 words for an entire month.

Play guitar five times every week.

Take a picture every day for a month.

Do pushups every day for a week.

Make a smoothie in the morning three times a week for a month.

Write a blog post 2x a week.

These are just some of the things I’ve wanted to do but never done. I’ve got Moleskins full of dreams and goals but I’ve yet to forge a single healthy habit.

After reading dozens of articles on forming habits and spending hours contemplating life as a disciplined adult, the results have been less than mediocre.

The excuses never seem to stop and habits never seem to start. Whoever said it takes 20 days to form a habit might be right, but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never made it that far.

I’m a sprinter by nature and things always start off with a bang but shortly fizzle out into nothingness or boredom. The excitement of a new job, new song, new church, new whatever, always wears off and I lose sight of why I started something new in the first place.

Take for instance my job.

Currently I have a great job. I get to write for a living. It’s a job that when I first got it, I was pumped to go to in the morning. I’d wake up early, dress myself to look like I was an extra on Mad Men, and find myself super jubilant as I drove into the city. I was happy. I got the job in advertising. It was better than I had dreamed.

Now I roll out of bed at 7:52, throw on a t-shirt and jeans hoping they don’t have stains on them, and run out the door just after brushing my teeth.

What changed?

Well, the job has it’s ups and downs but at it’s core is still the same and still has a lot to offer. So it’s not the job that’s changed.

My commute is shorted now than when I first started. So, it’s not traffic.

My bosses are still the same and I’ve got no complaints about any of them.

My job really hasn’t changed much.

I’ve changed. I’ve puttered out. The initial shine of the job has worn off and with it the initial surge of passion I once had.

The biggest problem with being wired to sprint through things like I usually do is that life isn’t a sprint. It’s a long, contemplative walk. And on this walk, rushing has no purpose.

This blog being a commentary on my life and where it’s headed has taught me that most of my problems aren’t external. The problems I face are mostly internal. And I hide behind a thick wall of cynicism, placing the blame on everything but myself.

It’s easier to be a cynic. It’s easier to point out what everybody else is doing wrong. It’s easier to critique than it is to create. Cynicism today is clearly the path of least resistance.

Will I change? Will I choose to be more optimistic? Will shed my completely pessimistic outlook? Maybe. Stay tuned to find out.

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